Why break up hurts and ways to deal with it
Why break up hurts and ways to deal with it
When we get into relationships, the greatest hope we have is that we shall end up well. Break up is the last things we ever think in relationship, and someone trying to propose or suggest possible breakup with our lover is good enough to become a lifetime enemy.
While love is sweet, things never work out as we want them to be. Nobody knows when break up will emerge. If you have ever suffered a break up, you will agree with me that these things suck. Although they usually suck more for one of the parties it, also drives the initiator crazy.
Break up hurt so hard that you may become a seasonal introvert; you don’t want to eat, socialize or even get out of bed. Sometimes, you feel physically emaciated to an extent that you can’t perform your daily routines. All you feel to do is sitting slumping in your bed staring into space, weeping. Anger, anxiety and depression stalk some weeks of your life.
Your loved ones intervene. They make your food and drinks. They dress you and because you’re unwilling to get out of the house, the drag you out. They even force socialization upon you as you bitterly sob into the glass of the drink you’ve been served with. Family and friends comfort you telling you that things will soon be better. Although it’s quite difficult to come in terms with what they’re telling you, you find it worth to believe their words deep down. But at that moment, you feel that your life will never be the same again. You just feel that your entire life has changed and your mind is trying to accommodate this impromptu knowledge.
What Happens To The Mind And The Body?
The pain suffered after a break up is activated in the same part where the physical pain is activated in the brain. This basically means that suffering a significant breakup activates pain similar to that of a broken arm. However, this doesn’t mean that breakups cause similar pains to that of physical injuries. Break ups cause emotional pain. It simply means that heartbreaks from the slightest rejection arouse your brain alertness to a potential threat for survival. The threat is perceived to be at the same level as any physical harm. This, therefore, suggests that our brain alerts us on potential threats and then goes on to focus the attention on them.
Why Do Break up Hurt?
But it’s strange that breakups hurt everyone, regardless of whether you are the dumper or the dumpee. But why does it hurt, yet you may expect to feel good after doing away with someone you thought was wasting your time?
The following are some of the key reasons why a breakup would hurt you even if you are the one who worked for it.
1 You’re still attached to your lover
Yes, you’ve broken up with them but you’re yet to be detached. This is the most obvious reason as to why you will find yourself spending quality time in bed after break up. You think it’s over between you, but for you, it’s still difficult to come into terms with this reality. You now miss the affection you used to receive from your lover. Once you’ve parted ways, you now feel disconnected from the power source. You no longer have a source of love, happiness, romance, and validation.
2 The push-pull game hasn’t served you right
Sometimes, we make tremendous attempts to gain control over our ex. Remember that relationships are great power plays and if you use the wrong technique, you will be left sobbing in agony. Maybe you subconsciously aimed at making your ex chase you and apologize, and possibly tell you that you’re right in a disagreement. In making them chase you, you wanted to feel appreciated and valued. But sadly, nothing of that kind happened. The plan backfired, giving you a mighty kick on the face. This hits your ego down, making you suffer the pain.
3 Envy
Break up may not be that painful for you, but seeing your ex succeed is good enough to make you send silent curses to yourself. If you’re the dumper, you’re the one who needs to be happy and your ex should be the one kneeling in front of you for a second chance. Unfortunately, your ex is doing pretty well and he or she seems never to have any contact with you.
4 Regrets
Often, breakups are initiated by arguments. Your partner says something bad and you reciprocate and one of you initiates the breakup. People argue to prove a point, gain control or devalue the other person. After the breakup, you may live to regret why you didn’t give up on the argument in the first place.
Healthy Ways to Deal with Break up
Yes, break up hurts but don’t stick to them forever. If you’re finding it hard to get over a breakup, consider the following simple and healthy ways from the experts.
Rebuild your self-esteem
When our partners are the ones who initiated the breaks, we may find it difficult going back to collect our personality traits and physical appearance. We will also become vulnerable to questioning our qualities that would cause someone to fall out with us. But remember that you can’t live all your life on the dusty surface. Stand up again, focus on your best qualities and how well you contributed towards the relationship. But doing so, you will regain your value and be confident and starting a new life without your ex.
Try to remember the bad things about the relationship
In most cases, you find yourself focusing more on the good things that you two enjoyed together. Maybe you went on romantic getaways, outings and date nights. It’s the high time you remind yourself how you didn’t communicate for weeks after a powerful argument. Maybe your partner turned down a date. In other words, try to introduce negative experiences.
Try new places and do fun activities
One fact about break ups is that they never take you towards doing the things you like doing best. To counter the bitterness, try a new restaurant or a coffee shop once every week. Besides, you can engage in some fun activities such as going to a movie. Invite at least one of your best friends. This is the best way to break up the usual routine with your ex. In addition, it provides a chance to spend quality time with friends.
Forgive and move on
A break up isn’t the end of life. Even some things are just hard to forgive, forgiving serves as the best option to help you heal the painful wound. Forgive and move on for the sake of your own peace as past can’t be changed but life goes on as breakups aren’t end of the world even if they feel that way.
While the emotional connection with your ex makes the breakups hurt, even more, it’s important to note that time heals all wounds. It’s just a matter of valuing yourself and getting busy with your life. Although it may seem challenging to get over your ex, you can’t feel the breakup pain forever. You will eventually feel better.
Originally published at https://www.brainmemind.com/
